<><><> JOKES LNG PO, WALANG PERSONALAN <><><>

<><><> JOKES LNG PO, WALANG PERSONALAN <><><>

 

INSOMNIA is a terrible disorder. But there’s a bigger problem than insomnia which doctors call INSOMYOT.
Meaning, hindi maka­tulog kung hindi makaiyot.
Susmaryosep!!! 

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“Nadukutan na naman ako kanina. Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!” – ILONG
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“If you really love me, I dare you to hug me so tight to make me realize that it’s true.” – CACTUS
“Ang buhay ay isang sugal. Kailangang handa kang mawalan kung gusto mong magkaroon.” – MAHJ ONG
“Matuto kang maghirap at magtrabaho. Hindi lahat ng oras, nasa itaas ka.” – GUL ONG
“Ang lahat ay may ka­tapusan. Hindi maiba­balik ng mga luha mo ang dati nang nawala.” – KABA ONG
“Kaya mo mang protektahan ang mahalaga sa ‘yo, sino naman ang poprotekta sa ‘yo?” BUB ONG
“Ewan ko sa inyo!” – BOB ONG ***

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LOLA: Ineng, palimos naman…
PERLA: Lola, bakit po dalawa ang lata ninyo?
LOLA: Ineng, as a businesswoman, I should think of more ways how to develop my business. That’s why instead of associating the money I got for my daily expenditures, I invested it by putting up another branch! 
***
Bagong salta sa Pilipinas ang Kanong si Joe.
Iisa ang kakilala niya sa bansa, ang Pinoy na si Juan na ang cellphone number ay dala-dala niya. Dito siya tutuloy.
Tinawagan ni Joe si Juan.
JOE: Hello, this is Joe. I am looking for Juan. Can I speak to him?
JUAN: Hi, Joe! This is
Juan. So, you have just arrived. Where are you now?
JOE: Oh yeah, I’m here at a place they call KUHBAWH?
JUAN: That’s Cubao, I think. And what’s the name of the street?
JOE: Yeah. There’s a sign here that says BAHLTEUMEHY.
JUAN: What?! Whats the name of the street again? I’ve never heard of that name before…
JOE: It says here BAHLTEUMEH. That’s just what’s on the sign.
JUAN: Okay. Maybe I’ll just go there and pick you up. What’s your nearest landmark so that I’ll just know where to go?
JOE: I’m near a tall building that says Nice Hotel.
JUAN: Okay, I know that place. Just wait for there and I’m gonna pick you up, okay?
JOE: Okay.
Makalipas ang isang oras…
JUAN: Ah, Joe, so there you are!
JOE: Yeah, I’m here.
JUAN: What’s the name of that street again and where is that sign?
JOE: There, right there on the wall, it clearly says BAHLTEUMEHY.
JUAN: Oh, no! That’s not the name of the street! It’s a sign that says… ‘Bawal Tumae.’ In English, that’s ‘Do Not Defecate.’  
***
JUNIOR: Daddy, ano po ang nauuna sa dictionary… SLIPPERS o TSINELAS?
DADDY: Anak naman! Ang dali lang! Siyempre, slippers! Kasi nga, sli-FIRST, tapos, tsine-LAST! 
***
MISIS: Bakit ngayon ka lang?!
MISTER: Pasensya na… nagyaya ang officemates ko. Nagkainuman lang…
MISIS: Lasing ka, ‘no?!
MISTER: Hinde ako laseng!
MISIS: Anong hindi?! Wala ka namang trabaho, paano ka nagka-officemate?! 
***
Sa jeep…
NGONGO: Mama, mara lang a tami!
(Tuluy-tuloy ang jeep…)
NGONGO: Mama! Inami nang mara. Eh!
(Huminto ang jeep).
DRIVER: Ori, ah?! Aala o, niloloo mo lang ao eh! 
***
Nag-aaral sa Maynila si Ellen. Nag-text siya sa kanyang nanay na nasa probinsya, “Nay, padalhan mo naman ako ng panty. Kasi, lahat ng panty ko, butas na!”
Nag-text back ang nanay, “Anak, pakisulsihan mo na lang muna. Kasi, ‘yung panty ko nga… garter na lang!” 
***
BUNTIS: Nanay! Tulong! Ang sakit ng tiyan ko! Manganganak na yata ako!
NANAY: ‘Yung asawa mo ang tawagin mo, hindi ako! Noong gumawa kayo ng bata, hindi ninyo ako tinawag. Ngayong manganganak ka na, saka mo ‘ko tatawagin? Bahala ka d’yan! 
***
Minsan, akala mo yata, hindi kita naaalala.
Minsan, akala mo yata, hindi kita nami-miss.
Minsan, akala mo, binale-wala kita.
Pero akala mo lang ‘yun!
Ikaw pa?!
Sino ka nga uli?! 
***
Tuwing may problema ka, nandito lang ako…
Hindi man makapagbigay ng magandang payo… basta, dito lang ako… katabi mo.
Kasi, alam kong makakagaan kung may cute sa tabi mo! 
***
Sabi nila, libre lang mangarap.
Tanong ko lang… libre ka ba?
Pangarap kasi kita, eh! 
***
To miss someone like him?
It lacerates my pericardium, hyperventilate my lungs, drains my CSF, tears my cerebrum and blocks blood in my circulation… 
***
Let Joy reign in your mind, Joy in your heart, and Joy in your action.
After all, ilang patak lang, dama na ang ligaya at sangkatutak na sarap! 
***
Huwag pilitin ang a­yaw… baka pumayag. 
***
Huwag mong sabihing, “Hahanapin ko lang ang sarili ko…”
Dahil madalas, hindi naman talaga sa­rili mo ang hanap mo kundi naghahanap ka ng iba, nahihiya ka lang magsabi! 
***
Nasa laboratory ka at kasama mo ako…
In English?
You’re in lab with me.
***
IT TAKES…
…mo naman ako! Hindi ka ba unli?
Bakit hindi ka nagte-takes?
Takes back, huh?!
Takes takes na!!!